Open and Free – September 12, 2016
“This is setting out. The leaving of everything behind. Leaving the social milieu. The preconceptions. The definitions. The language. The narrowed field of vision. The expectations. No longer expecting relationships, memories, words, or letters to mean what they used to mean. To be, in a word: Open.” Rabbi Lawrence Kushner
There is a difference to being a student and being a learner. I decided to walk away from people I was allowing to suffocate my soul. I put away self-help books, teachings from the Mystics and music. Instead of looking for a formula to teach me, I journeyed deep into the resources and wisdom that were whispering inside of me and I released myself and listened.
Listening is the gateway to discovery. My walking away from what was familiar, but stagnant, freed me to engage myself and others with vulnerable transparency. One of my first discoveries was that I alone was the Warden to my physical and emotional confinements, not the persons or situations that I was giving permission to squeeze joy and purpose out of me. I physically and emotionally walked away from all that I was allowing to keep me imprisoned from God, myself, significant others and creation. My walking out of significant relationships that were limiting me, opened doors for me to live into my gifts more present and more fully aware of divine possibilities. While the outside was unraveling, looking scarce and very untrustworthy, my inner world was becoming whole, filling my body, heart, soul and mind with new beginnings and divine intersections with loved ones and strangers who are becoming holy teachers and friends.
A year ago I used to believe that all problems have a solution and in God’s view and knowledge of things, I am certain this is true. However, in the realm of free will, I believe there are times when we need to walk away from unsolvable realities that limit our beliefs that cast a lens of scarce resources over our understanding and keep us tied to destructive relationships. I have walked out into a new day, a world that was always present but hidden by my limitations. After walking out of the greediness of time where I found myself grasping for more time, I walked into the freedom of creating what I needed with the abundance I already possessed. I have discovered that I possess more gifts and wisdom than I believed and was led to believe, and now I am living in the freedom of who I am and who God is. I am enjoying the fathomless mystery of God, the highest consciousness of all.
Since setting out on my freedom journey, I have been creating life-giving change while some difficult circumstances still remain to teach me. Waiting for a heroic leader to solve everything was like stacking water, so I became the leader I needed to be in order to move through, over and around all obstacles. Because I have welcomed the presence of any obstacle as a compassionate teacher I am enjoying balance and peace. I am accepting the flow of whatever and whoever intersects my day as a gift from the Universe and in being open, I am experiencing creativity, healthy relationships and more joy than ever before. I am open and free
Gifts From the Wilderness – September 5, 2016
Ever experienced a wilderness in your heart? By wilderness I am speaking about a feeling that tells you there is no place home but you can’t find home even when you are sitting on your couch! Every wilderness experience exists to be a sacred sojourner and teacher to us. Even silence and aloneness offers comfort in her presence.
The past two years I lived like a nomad, house sitting whenever I could, creating space for my wilderness to teach me. My journey was a leap of faith as I need to be surrounded by sameness that reflects my life. In the beginning I packed my car to the brim, bringing with me heavy boxes of pictures, clothing for all seasons, at least 50 books, even more DVD’s and all 78 journals I have filled. I lived in a basement suite for 2 months without TV or music. I never watched one DVD on my laptop. Instead, I spent my time exploring the Elbow River, the lessons and love now very clear in my dark nights of my soul journal recordings. I was struck by how profoundly lonely and betrayed I felt when I wrote these journal entries and yet on the other side, the morning side, the lesson learned and wisdom gained side, I see and feel the palpable presence of God blanketing me.
As I journeyed from house to house and sometimes back to my own home, even home and and the homes of others began to morph into oasis’s of comfort and peace. I recognized myself as a spiritual transient who was creating an inward home that was unable to be shaken by anyone or anything external. I began to take less with me until I was carrying only one suitcase. Lightening my load created space for me to be aware that I was creating space in my body, soul and mind to see clearly, receive fully and heal deeply.
Strange places became new friends that allowed me to explore myself with compassion and joy. I befriended my shadows with grace and understanding and felt them dissipate into gifts full of rich colours. My head joined my heart and squeezed out every shred of worry. Trust became my delight and my delight turned my journey into dreaming, creating and holy fun.
One of the clear lessons that was seared into my being was that I needed to leave behind people and ideas that betrayed themselves and me. I am open to the flow of life, living as one crying out in the wilderness, “Prepare the way for the One that gives life.” The wilderness is a gift so unwrap it for yourself. I promise you that you will be abundantly surprised by joy.